Every time I go through the things in my room, I find little mementos that I’ve kept over the years. They are things that I wouldn’t throw away… They are precious items that I wouldn’t even dare of thinking of putting in that pile. It’s amazing to see all of the things I’ve kept…a simple scrap of paper, movie stubs, notes… How does one decide what to keep and what to get rid of? I must be a junkie or something because I couldn’t make such a decision. I think that the person who was with me at the time would have to take care of it…only then would I want to part with the item. It seems only fair, right?
Suddenly, I feel much older…perhaps it’s because this home isn’t really my home anymore… They say that as you get older you’ll feel wiser. I guess that’s kind of inevitable since everyone learns with experience. Now that I’ve had several homes for the past couple of months and years, I feel as if my home keeps moving around. When I was younger I always associated being older with moving out of the house, maybe that’s why I feel this way.
*They said that we would change their lives, but in fact, my own life has changed.*
This summer confirmed that I need to work with children/teenagers in a couple of years. (it feels weird saying that instead of when I grow up) It also took away all the superficial things I had against certain health careers. It feels strangely good to know what I want…I’ve never really felt so certain. I also am interested in the smaller schools now (but not too small)…in many ways the University of Maryland is the school of my dreams, but the class size can be too large. This summer also invoked fear into my eyes…it was more than I had ever feared, but it was also a special kind of fear…the kind that vanished immediately as soon as I heard Derek’s voice over the phone. Before I knew how to handle things…. all of my friends knew something was wrong, and although they didn’t know what it was about, they were constantly there for me.
I’ve learned patience. One who has known me all my life probably would learn of my impatience, but even my closest friends wouldn’t know my lack thereof. One of my kids had overslept and like many of the Team Leader’s I waited outside for my student. Five of my male students decided that they wanted to wait with me to “keep me company.” Looking back on it, I know they truly meant what they said, but I didn’t believe them whatsoever. The next day, one of my students who had kept me company the day before was late for lecture. He knew I was really upset with him, and he came 15 minutes early to everything afterwards. As I look back on what happened, I realized that I need to hold my feelings in in general, and take the time to see what happens…just relax a little bit. No one is perfect.
I know the value of friendship. I’ve made so many friends this summer, and that is certainly not an understatement. I became really close to Anushi, a junior at Syracuse. We can talk for hours on the phone just about random stuff and we wouldn’t get bored of each other. We already have planned my visit for her birthday in December. Then there’s Josh, a gentleman to say the least, compassionate and brutally honest, but an amazing person. My Kristin, Brelyn, Bao, Kate…I know I wrote ‘my.’ My 80 kids over the summer, the ones who stood out and the ones who were in the background, but still stood out in my eyes. Then there are the girls I met in Alaska, my dear 334, Chelsea, Mala, and Claire. The trip was filled with many amazing adventures and areas of soreness, but it was worth it in the end.
With all of these new friendships, the only thing that I wish …was that I could have seen Derek more often. It wasn’t even a double digit amount. I’m not sad, just disappointed that I couldn’t find more time to see him. With looking through all the mementos like I mentioned earlier, it reminded me of the time where I saw him much much more. I need more than a single digit amount, and it will happen! Even with him in Maryland as of tonight, I still miss him…I just want to be wrapped around in his arms.
I moved into Baltimore earlier this morning. It felt good to see familiar faces, it’s like home again.
From Washington, D.C. to Illinois to New York to Alaska to Maryland…I’ve had such an amazing summer.
Yes!
