In the news:
~ I lost my voice. really really =( i have to work tomorrow morning, this is not going to be pretty. i’ll just give a thunbs up to everyone. hehe
~ I got a 2006 silver corolla. i’m so happy with the car. =)
~ Kayaking was just wonderful today. =D
But when I see you
It’s like I’m staring
down the sun
And I’m blinded
There’s nothing
left to do
and
still I see you
a friend of mine posted this on my xanga awhile back:
does it ever bother you to not know what this life is for?
or do you already know?
does it ever bother you to see so many people doing things so differently?
or does it not matter?
does it ever bother you to see people with such different values so happy?
or are you just happy that they’re happy?
does it ever bother you to find what you thought would be so easy to catch a glimpse of, can barely be imagined any more?
or had you captured it long ago?
do you ever feel so completely alone because of your values compared to those of others?
or are you unafflicted?
do you ever cry because of how you see others and their choice?
or save your tears only for your own?
are tears because of how you see others really tears for them?
or are they really because of how differently you see yourself?
would you rather have loved and lost or never loved at all?
would you rather have lived and lost or never have lived at all?
so i’m happy. but not quite, i can’t really explain it, but im fine where im at right now… as someone told me today, the bad can seem like it happens all at once, but that’s when the good will start rolling in.
honestly i think it might be myself that needs to be in a more positive mood. i guess it doesnt help that i’ve been working a lot recently. i wish i could be around derek… i feel like i haven’t spoken to him in forever. i speak to him everyday, but it still feels that way.
i want to hear what you’re thinking
im sorry i can’t stop thinking about you…you’ve been on my mind all night. you always are. maybe it’s only me, but in everything that i write i know im thinking about you, be it indirectly or directly. you dont know how much i love you.
I am sure you have heard about NSA’s program of gathering information about our phone calls, no not just international, but domestic. Apparently they have been doing this for the past four years. I always knew someone was listening to my calls, but then I think about how exactly it would be done, and then I rule out that possibility.
I am surprised by the lack of outcry against it. Yes, everyone is talking about it in the news and certain senators are talking about having an inquiry. Like that stuff does anything. Wasn’t in NSL where we learned that everything takes so long, all those checks and balances? But really, I am just shocked by the response of the American public.
First of all, when I hear ‘NSA’ involved with anything – I think of ‘Enemy of the State’ & Will Smith (yeah, i’m listening to ‘miami’ right now). Ok, so I realize that I have negative connotations already associated with NSA. But, I am actually very dismayed that more people (according to polls) are not upset, angry, and do not want this program to end. This completely surprised me. Isn’t our privacy part of our great democracy, isn’t this what freedom is all about? You would think the freedom we so cherish, what we so wish to share with the world would be well protected in our home. How are we practicing what we preach?
I am not stupid, I know the world has changed, but the world is always changing and will continue to change, but does that mean we compromise our values and our beliefs? If that is what it means then what are we standing up for in the world? Our existence, is that all? Our are ideals so easliy erasable that we leave them as soon as the world gets harder? My problem with the NSA going over my phone records has nothing to do with my own personal privacy (…i mean who really cares about my ranting about school (btw i hate orgo) or talking about some silly event) but what message does this send to the world. It’s as if our country has become afraid and is taking surveillance on its’ people. Thats a shame. Is this not leading to a path that is dangerous and opening doors to future infringements of our civil liberties? Ok, some people don’t care about that. I understand, we are in a war and we need to win it. But, this war, which we hear so much about- even we all are in bubbles, if it is being waged against our way of life, our values, our freedoms, our true ideals then by allowing for such surveillance without warrants weakening those very beliefs. Are we not simply changing our way of life, are we not just losing?
I recently did some research on certain topics for my philosophy class, and fell upon reading the news. I’m not sure if the small audience who reads this will be interested in what I’ve written, but I am..and that’s all that matters =P But seriously after hearing about what has been happening, I feel like I’ve been in a bubble, I need to listen to the news more.
That will be goal number one. Goal number two will be getting a car. Goal number three will be to get myself the hell out of my moody state; heh i guess we should make that goal number one. So this is my last night on campus, and I feel sort of sad that it has come to an end. but I keep reminding myself that this summer is going to be a blast.
This will be the last night that I will have to stay up for awhile. Thank god. I know I should probably continue to study or even better go to sleep, rather than type in here, but I can’t help it, I need to write, I need to talk.
[blank]
shoot…i have writer’s block…
…until next time.
So it’s strange. This week feels like it’s taking its sweet old time, yet it also feels like it’s moving quickly. I have no concept of what time is anymore. I woke up tired at 10:00 a.m. which is just plain weird. I also go to bed really late like right now, which considering that I’m typing here rather than in bed shows that I’m obviously still awake. It also feels like time occurs in intervals. I was awoken at weird periods of time last night. I don’t even remember sleeping very much, just waking up. The process is: wake up, get comfortable, smile, go back to sleep. dream a lil, sleep a lil, for a full 8 hours. I’ve really liked the past couple of days and nights. Everything is coming together, although it’s taking it’s sweet old time, everything is becoming that full puzzle that it somehow became earlier this year. I’m sure that it will get closer to becoming complete
piece by piece it will become easier to imagine…and then picture.
Is it too weird of me to think when i wake up, “i can get used this”
I’ve been feeling a lot better, but I have to say it’s off and on. I really don’t know what gets into me sometimes. It’s like whenever I think about what’s going on around me I get so stressed out. It’s so hard to keep it all in sometimes. The main thing with me is that I really don’t like complaining to people about things. I don’t want it to be just about me. I’m beginning to understand that there are some people out there who do want to listen, they do want to talk. ok….I’m not beginning to notice, I’ve known it all along. The thing is that it’s hard when you’re expected to do well in everything and try to be the perfect person in other peoples’ eyes. It makes you kind of vulnerable in a way.
I’m still learning, and that’s what counts. I’m breaking down walls that I know that I had and kinda-sort-of still carry.
I’m still unsure of myself, but i’m getting there i’m getting there
