mars•barz

life is awesome!

that is all.

=D

it’s one of those days where i just want to be in a room all by myself…

being alone in a room is always nice.

it’s just too loud today.

All the, small things
True care, truth brings
I’ll take, one lift
Your ride, best trip

Always, I know
you’ll be, at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating

Say it ain’t so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
na na na na na..

I must say, I LOVE recieving letters, it’s so much fun! It’s different from e-mails, different from recieving something in person…most definitely different. It gives you such an antsy feeling, you just want to open and read it immediately.

And I think you all can guess what I just recieved! A letter in the mail from Derek! The letter was wonderful… I read it a couple of times. hehe It had a pressed flower inside of it.

Every paragraph, every line, every word, everything….it was just perfect. the tree he drew at the end of the letter with his name and mine…the way he spoke about the future…the way he remembers everything…the way he said love, the numbers of times he wrote love… i can’t wait to see him next weekend. =) I can’t wait to visit him on my spring break. I can’t wait, I can’t wait.

i loveeee derek <3

The dawn is breakingA light shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeahI'm so glad that they don't play that song all the time because it was about to be on my"i-don't-listen-to-anymore-because-the-radio-plays-it-so-much" playlist. I love that song...  It's so sweet, so true, and just perfect.

I think I'm going to try and go to bed earlier than 3 a.m.All week that's been my bed time, I think it's time to stop that.I'm almost done with these quarterly exams, I just have one more to go. I can't wait till they're all done.  I shouldn't get too excited though,because another batch of exams will be coming up soon.  So much fun? sureee. lol

hmm, I actually don’t have very much to say today…strange indeed = O

Whenever I write more, I am either really happy or sad. I’m scared what this means. Does it mean that I’m either of these? or just trying to release all that i have to say? Is it bad when I can’t even read myself? I’m so close to exposing this site to everyone. I want people to see how I think. I guess they can see that already from the character i give off, but do they really know?

I just feel like yelling DAMNIT in a sarcastic tone right now. I’m not much of a cuss-er but damn, i just want to yell. I could actually yell anything right now and feel much happier. I just feel like yelling. gotta problem? RAWR!

wow i need to get out of this room. studying all day and being in here and reviewing for tests is driving me craazyy

i close my eyes
will you notice?
will you be the one to hold my hand while i sleep
while i “sleep”

i need to run.

There are so many things that I can write on here that I can’t write on xanga. I cannot express myself on there anymore. I wrote a huge entry, I bet no one read it. A part of me wanted people to read over it, but most people just skim over those things anyways. I don’t know what’s my problem. I want to be heard, but not…all at the same time. I guess it’s because of vulnerability? or it could be privacy…probably more so the first one.

Last night, i felt particularly lonely…It’s probably cuz i had just watched Hotel Rwanda. Who knew that all of that was going on in Africa? If I could make a change there, I would help them, but I don’t think that what I do would affect very many people. I don’t even know how I would get started, so for now …I duno. I just hope everything turns out fine …there are some wars that should never be fought. and that’s wars without much of a reason except for hatred against a ethnicity.

last night, I was also missing Derek last night. All I wanted to do was give him a huge hug. one of those hugs where i say at the “end”, …i’m not done yett.

I gotta say, as corny as this sounds, that i’m proud of Derek. He does so much at his school and manages to participate in all the activities he’s in. I I tried ballroom dancing, I just couldn’t fit it into my schedule with everything that I’m doing. Even though derek forgets some of things he needs to do, it’s understandable…he just has so much going on. I know he feels bad about it sometimes, but if he thought about what the two other people in his group are doing…what he does outside of that project is more than what they do. That’s most of the information I got, so if some of it is wrong then w/e =P I still think what Derek participates in is awesome.

Ok so I have a secret. I applied to Target as a pharmacy technician, and I have an interview tomorrow. I’m excited, but scaredd. I’m scared that I’ll be so busy and that my schedule will be inflexible. …I just hate being inflexible with people but I love being busy… why can’t i have the best of two worlds?

i just hope that once i get to the “real world” …you know when you’re working after college…that …i just hope that it’s not lower than my expectations becuase I’m expecting something wonderful.

The way it feels when you just let it flow
Sometimes I wonder just how it could be
You take every bit before we see it off the rails

I can’t really explain the feeling I have right now. It’s not exactly happy…and not exactly sad. Indifferent you might call it, but I’m definitely feeling something. I guess it would be something more negative than positive.

There are some things that I don’t have an established view on… like politics. I like aspects of many different views, and I can’t really decide on just one political party right now. But it’s not that I really need to and I’m in no hurry.

I want my opinions to be taken into consideration when I do hold an opinion on something. Whenever someone tells me their opinion, I don’t have to agree with it, and I would tell them I don’t, and in some way…and in lesser terms I tell them that I understand what they are saying. It wouldn’t be in any formal way, but in a way that they know that I “got them.” Sometimes I don’t get this from people i speak with…and it makes me feel bad that I’m not being accepted. I guess i dont really need the feeling of acceptance, but the feeling of being understood.

maybe..i need to just keep it elementary.

i know that that’s wrong though. every part of me knows it.

and to go off on some random tangent…. i mean topic… ok i can’t help it! i can’t help writing the way i do… or talking the way i do…

this is me.